The Most Valuable Day
I spent my vacation at Carita and Karang Bolong Shores two months ago, and I found several unforgettable experiences. I went with my family. First of my destination was Carita Shore. I have a terrible experience when I swam at Carita Shore with my sister. Firstly, my sister and I were very enjoy because we swam at the offshore. Suddenly, there was the highest waves, and we were not aware it. We carried by waves far from offshore. We were so panic and frightened, but we must keep quiet. We swam and helped each other. Finally, we could come back to land safely. We could breathe deeply and prayed together. What a valuable experience! I continued my vacation to Karang Bolong Shore. In there, I have some amazing experiences too. I walked through a very narrow stairs to reach the highest place; therefore, I could enjoy beautiful sunset and deep of Karang Bolong Sea for the first time. What a wonderful view! In conclusion, I can learn how to praise to God; furthermore, I must be aware of dangerous wherever I go.
Topic:
I found several unforgettable experiences.
Controlling
Idea: I spent my vacation at Carita and Karang Bolong Shores two months ago.
Concluding:
In conclusion, I can learn how to praise to God; furthermore, I must be
aware of dangerous wherever I go.
oh my God!
BalasHapusWhy you write 'to be God' in that concluding sentence, Selvi?
Are you want to be a God?
I know what you mean..
You mean 'to praise God', isn't it?
thank you so much nabil... Actually, I have changed it... you can see anymore in my blog.
BalasHapusYa, Shelvi already changed it:-) Hmm it's good when u can learn something from the experience. Well, u've tried to make ur writing coherence by using the transition signal; however, it's still confusing 4 me. Take a look at the 'transition firstly'. U use that twice. I do not find a series of event anymore until u state 'finally'. Did u only intend to write 2 events? O ya, what's the purpose of italicizing and bolding the 2 statements? Next time, u hev to be more aware to grammar, the choice of words, and the effectiveness of using the transition signals.
BalasHapus